hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
