Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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