our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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