I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
