my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
