Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
