if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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