i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
