I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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