so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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