New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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