I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
