i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
