her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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