I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I didn't notice because vodka
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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