I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
