They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
