It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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