dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
