I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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