i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
