i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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