He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
