You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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