every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
