4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I need to sanitize my soul.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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