If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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