Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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