Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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