Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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