so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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