Yo dont text me then not text me
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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