dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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