She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
