You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
