uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
