He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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