She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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