yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
