You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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