A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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