Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
