I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
