I hate your face
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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