What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
