Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
