How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
