i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
