but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
