yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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