Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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