i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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